The Babysitting Bella Chronicles
by capitaine-awesome
Summary: Cullens are hunting for the weekend and Emmett gets to babysit Bella. He has a list of 10 activities planned for the weekend. Features Alcohol, vibrators, pole dancing, Emmett wearing a bra, fake orgasms and a very drunk Bella .
1. 10 Things To Do

Unrelated to „A new Cullen Family".

It's Friday.

Everybody is out hunting for the weekend. Except for Emmett who gets to babysit Bella.

Emmett has plans…. Will he get Bella drunk? Will he succeed in buying her sex toys?

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A/N: A lot of liquor involved. And I do not own Twilight. I am posting this story as an experiment. If enough like it, I will post further chapters.

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**Bella's POV**

I really didn't see the point of Emmett babysitting me. I was in the Cullen's kitchen finishing the spaghetti Esme had cooked for me.

"Edward, I do not need a babysitter. Believe me, I am very much able to take care of myself for an entire weekend."

I was so annoyed of Edward's overprotectiveness.

"Bella, Love. This is going to be fun. Emmett and you are going to have a good time."

"I'm not doubting that, but you could really ease up a bit."

"I love you too much, to let anything happen to you and I trust my brother." Edward kissed me on the forehead and looked at me with a puppy dog face.

"Fine." I said extremely annoyed.

"But only to make you happy."

"Thanks." Edward said and kissed me.

"Where is my babysitter actually? Isn't that the point of being a babysitter…"

Emmett entered the kitchen grinning.

"I will take it from here Edward. Bella this is going to be so much fun. I even got my babysitter permit last week. Look…" He pulled a little card out of his pocket and showed it proudly to me and Edward. At school there was the possibility to enter a babysitter course. It actually was intentioned to teach how to change diapers, feed a baby etc…

Edward gave me a quick kiss and left "I see you are in capable hands love."

"Oh, I have very capable hands. Just ask Rose." Emmett assured me.

3 more Days of this. Will I make it?

"Can I have my license back now please?" he asked me eagerly.

"Em, this is not a driver's license or anything similar." I tried to explain to him and handed it back.

"Are you telling me that the knowledge of taking care of a younger person is less valuable than driving?" he tried to play smartass on me but HONESTLY, I just didn't buy it and couldn't help but start laughing.

"Fine… I have an idea Emmett." I tried to explain this to him as plainly as possible so that it would REALLY sink in to his head.

"I am going to watch TV for the next few hours and you can do… whatever you want. I can entertain myself."

He looked at me inquisitive and then spoke.

"Naaahhhh… never. I have so many fun activities planned." Then he pulled out a list.

Meanwhile I had finished my spaghetti. I couldn't decide who was worse, Alice trying to force me to go shopping or Emmett who turned into a I-have-to-keep-Bella-occupied guy.

Then Emmett started reading out the list.

"Activity 1- The Art of Pole Dancing, Activity 2- The Art of Lap Dancing, Activity 3- The Art of Stripping, Activity 4- The "Get Bella Drunk" game, Activity 5- Stripping contest "

Stripping contest , art of stripping?

"What's the difference between Activity 3 and 5?"

"Well, the five is there to assure that you're able to put three into action. Duuuh…."

Wow, I thought to myself. For Emmett being Emmett, he really had given some thought into all of this.

But the list continued.

"Activity 6- Go Lingerie Shopping, Activity 7- Pimp Bella"

"What?" I exclaimed. This was going to far. Pimp Bella? What was that for an activity.

My face went all red with anger.

"I'm calling Edward now, Em. You are being ridiculous."

"No, no, no, no." He started begging and putting on his puppy face.

"I didn't mean pimp in any sexual way. like the MTv show. You know "Pimp my ride"? Buy you new wardrobe, get a haircut."

I sat down again.

"Is this list anywhere near finished?" I asked very sweetly.

"Almost. Activity 7- Buy toys for Edward and Bella, you _know Toooooyyys._"

Much to my dismay I understood perfectly.

And the list went on.

"Activity 8- Prank somebody, Activity 9- The Art of Sexy Car Wash and finally…. drumroll please."

Finally!!! The list was coming to an end, I thought to myself.

Say it Emmett! What's number 10? Seriously… what was it? Emmett didn't go on.

"Drumroll please!" Emmett repeated.

He couldn't be serious! No, her really was serious, cause he gave me that _Duh!!! What are you waiting for??? look_ .

I imitated a drum roll with my fingers on the kitchen counter.

Then Emmett grinned and still didn't open his mouth.

"Should I do another drum roll?" I asked bitter sweet and annoyed.

"No, it's just…" he took a deep breath imitating to nearly cry.

"I am so proud of this one. That way you and my dear brother, well more you, but who cares, …"

"Cut to the chase Em." I warned him.

"Activity 10- Buy Bella a vibrator."

A vibrator ??? Seriously? I didn't want nor need a vibrator.

"That's number 10?"

"So, where do you want to begin?"

"You seriously want to do all those things the entire weekend?"

"We have to, Bella." Emmett yelped with joy. "It's my duty as your baby sitter to keep you occupied."

With which one should I started, every thing on this list was just as bad as the next.

"Fine. I'll take the Lingerie Shopping."

"Yes! I so much hoped you would say that Bella." Emmett hugged me with joy.

Would I survive this weekend? From what the list sounded like a date with Mike Newton would be less exhausting.

"There's just one thing. I got banned from Port Angeles lingerie store so we have to go somewhere else, but there…" and Emmett went on and on.

What did I get myself into???

**Pls review. If I get enough reviews, you'll see how Emmett acts out in the lingerie store. ^^**

**Hope you enjoyed this.**

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	2. Seattle Here We Come!

Screw May 10th, here we go.

This is Part 1 of the actually intended chapter. Better few words than no chapter, right?

Thanks go out to all of you who reviewed and especially my vamp mom jmolly.

Have fun reading. There is plenty more to come.

**Bella's POV**

Just when I thought I had escaped the overly enthusiastic Babysitter named Emmett, he showed up in Edward's room.

"I have the best idea ever." he grinned.

"Kind of reading a book here." I held up Wuthering Heights.

"No more Jane Austen, Bella. As of today you will read Cosmopolitan Only." he declared, taking away my precious literature.

"What do you want Emmett?"

"Oh, ya... right." he went over to my backpack and pulled out my underwear. Simple white briefs, a white bra.

"This seriously has to change." The look on his face was a mixture between slightly disgusted and very much amused. " Even Esme has sexier underwear. Believe me."

I did not really want to know why Emmett knew what his mothers underwear looked like.

"So, what do you wanna do, Em?" I asked, hoping he wouldn't know have an answer. "Sell me to the nearest strip club?" I suggested jokingly.

"That would be an idea." he contemplated thoughtfully. "But Edward would kill me. So, No."

"Wow, hey. Thanks. That's so kind of you not to sell me into prostitution." No idea how Rose put up with Emmett.

After several moments of a majorly akward silence. Emmett was simply staring into the room grinning. What was scaring me that I really couldn't tell what he was next up to. "We.... are going to Seattle."

"Wow." he couldn't be serious. Right? I had no nerves for any of this. "Do I have any say in this?" I tried pleading with him.

"No." Emmett shook his head like a baby refusing to eat more spinach.

Fifteen minutes later I found myself in a red Ferrari with Emmett who clearly was trying to pull off a "Fast and the Furious" Imitation.

"If you go any faster." I tried threatening him. "I will vomit."

"Knock yourself out. It's Jasper's car anyway."

Heavenly Lord, God, anybody up there; only one question. How the hell did I deserve this?

One hour later, I heard sirens behind us.

Emmett went even faster. My stomach revolted even more. "Emmett, stop the car. That's the police." I screamed.

No way that I would end up on Cops or national television because of my freakin infantile brother in law.

"Oh, come on. Don't be such a buzzkill." Emmett kept breaking all humanly possible speed limits.

"Emmett!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Finally, he stopped the car, so aprubt that the airbags were activated.

As fast as I could I unbuckled and tumbled out of the car.

"Sir. Exit the vehicle and keep your hands in the air." The police officer had pulled his gun.

Next Emmett stepped out of the car with a puppy dog face.

I couldn't help myself but laugh.

After Emmett had opened the trunk, showing that, No, he was not fleeing a crime scene or a bank robbery, the officer questioned us.

"What the heck were you two kids doing? Driving like, I don't know what."

Good question, I thought to myself.

"In my defence, it was an emergency." Emmett clarified with insisting hand gestures.

"And what would that be?" the cop asked sarcastically.

....

story to be continued

review :-)


	3. An unlikely excuse

**Bella's POV**

Previously on The Babysitting Bella Chronicles:

"In my defence, it was an emergency." Emmett clarified with insisting hand gestures.

"And what would that be?" the cop asked sarcastically.

.........

"Yeah... Um... about that. My sister she kind of ran out of underwear. "

"Lack of underwear." the cop snorted.  
"Seriously. She isn't even wearing any right now ... probably."

"Emmett." I shrieked.

"She's a bit sensitive on the topic." he apologized for me.

"Emmett!" I shrieked again.

"Miss. I need you to verify that you are not taken hostage."

"What if I tell you that I am taken hostage?" I provokedly asked smiling sheepishly.

"You freakin' are my sister!" Emmett exclaimed in disbelief.

The cop pressed Emmett against the police car cuffing his hands all in one motion, which I have to admit was pretty impressing.

"Quiet!" The cop barked to Emmett. "Miss. This is a serious situation not to be taken lightly. If you verify the suspision of this man holding you hostage he will be rendered into police custody and protection will be offered to you." he explained in his steady, clear but raspy voice.

"Gosh...No." I couldn't do that to him, would have been funny and I was sure Rose also didn't mind but putting him into jail was a bit too mean. "Sorry. Would love to see him behind bars." I exaggerated. "But, he is just my brother."

"Are you sure?"

"Unfortuneatley Yes, sir. Sorry." I apologized.

The cop uncuffed Emmett. "Miss, I am not the least bit interested..." He took out a booklet from his belt. "... in whatever you two are really up to. My Condolences to you Miss. You must have nerves of steele." he wrote a warning.

"I'm not that bad." Emmett put on his puppy face. "Tell him Bella!"

"Sure, he's an angel." I lied easily

"I am an angel." Emmett muttered to himself reassuringly.

I took the warning. "3,000$?" My eyes popped out of my sockets very much in collaboration with my dropping jaw.

The police car drove away.

"You are in heaps of trouble." I chimed using the minus 3,000$ as a fan.

"Yah, that it was only 3,000$." he grinned.

I rolled my eyes dramatically.

Emmett stretched out his hand. "Keys?" he tried working his charms on me.

"Not in a million years, big guy!" I smiled back.

"Oh come on." he got in the car at the passenger's side.

I put the key into the ignition.

"You owe me." he muttered crossing his arms.

"Oh ya, for what?"

"Ooooonly your brother? ....who you'd like to see behind bars?" he indicated.

"Well, there still is Jasper." I teased him.

"You are evil! I am gonna talk to Edward." he still kept up the facade of a 4 year old.

"Well, I am sure Rose has a minute or two for me awell."

"Who are you?" he acted bewildered.

"I learn from the master." I smiled at him.

....

story to be continued

review :-)


	4. A place to hold Bella hostage

Chapter 4 - Babysitting Bella - A place to hold Bella hostage

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, nor Twilight.

A/N: Thank you so much for your support on this story.

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**Bella's POV**

1 1/2 hours later we arrived in Seattle. I had gotten tired, so Emmett took over the wheel again.

"So, where do you want to stay for the night?" Emmett asked with that glimpse in his eyes which hinted only one thing: More trouble.

"How about the Holiday Inn?" I suggested.

"You're hurting my ego!" he exaggerated in a high pitched voice as if he were about to burst into tears.

"Oh, come on! Why not?" Holiday Inns were perfectly fine. Nice rooms and delicious breakfasts.

"I beg your pardon!" he exclaimed imitating John Cleese or for whatever type of British accent he was going for. "I got something weigh better!" he switched back to an American accent.

"What?" I asked. "And don't tell me to give you a drum roll, because it has been more than enough drum rolls for one weekend!" I ranted dramatically.

"Okay. Okay. Calm down. I hereby promise not to ask you to do the..." he did a drumroll with his fingers on the steering wheel giving me a broad smile from the one side of his face to the other.

I rolled my eyes.

"I demand the location of where you will be taking me hostage for the next two days." I tried it the diplomatic way.

"Taking you hostage! Really! It's not as if I didn't give you any choice in this." he played it down with his charme.

"No. You are right. It's not as if you just took all my stuff without asking me and then dragged me to the car and midway to Seattle nearly got arrested because the police officer was under the impression I was being held hostage." I teased him.

"Yeah... About that. You have to admit that I am the nicest, most stunning, most awesome kidnapper you have ever met." again - his tooth paste commercial smile.

"Fine, you're my favourite kidnapper. Now please... where are we going?"

"Let's make a deal. You can choose the hotel. I know you don't like it when people spend money on you. I give you three hotels to choose from."

"Emmett. I'm not a kid. I am perfectly capable to decide on a hotel." I frowned.

"And I am the babysitter. Here we go; the Hyatt, the Four Seasons or the Sheraton."

"Em! I know for a fact that all those hotels cost 400 $ bucks a night!"

"Actually 1.400$ because I prefer penthouse suites, but you're right, those places are weigh too cheap."

"What please is the definiton of an "expensive room" in your mind?" I asked in total amazement of his lack for the estimation of the value of 1,400$ Dollars.

"There is this great place in Seattle, bit more pricey than a Holiday Inn but weigh better. They don't have rooms, only suites. The penthouse suite has an indoor pool and not to forget the water beds. Those beds are awesome, you gotta trie them with Emmett some time."

"Emmett!" I exclaimed.

"Cool it, Bells. Did I mention that every suite has its own chef? Makes you anything you want 24/7." he was excited about this place like a little boy.

"First of all Emmett." I remarked. "You can't eat. Second of all, Are you aware that in Africa there are people dying?" I asked him, curious if he cared.

"I know...bums me out too. But it's always so funny to see what Lennard comes up with." Didn't bother him at all.

"Who's Lennard?" I asked.

"The cook, you know...the one I told you about. Just right now." Aahh... Yes. The cook from the several thousand Dollar suite.

"You're unbelievable." I said shaking my head.

"I do have to admit, Lennard's cuisine is one of a kind, so let me take you there. I bet you'll like Lennard."

"Fine! The Sheraton!" I was annoyed like hell.

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story to be continued...

Reviews?

:-)


	5. Bella is not my hooker

A/N: It has been way too long! Enjoy the chapter, I hope it's nasty enough. The last bit of the last scene is written in memory of my 16th birthday. Shall I never know what exactly happened this night! xD

Have fun!

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As we parked the car a smile of satisfaction broadened across Emmett's face. I got out of the car and wanted to get my backpack but the luggage guy was quicker and already carried my bag.

"See, friendly people." Emmett remarked as we entered the hotel lobby and at least a thousand employees and people greeted him. I was pretty sure that not even half of them knew who he was, but Emmett of course relished the attention.

The guy with my bag suddenly vanished. I looked around but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Relax." Emmett said. "He'll bring it up to your room."

"What is this place?" I asked incredulously.

"Heaven, darling, it's heaven." Emmett assured me.

I shook my head, not knowing what to make of the situation. "The world is not a happy place, Em. You're a bit optimistic to trust a complete stranger with our stuff." I interjected.

"Correction. Your stuff."

Gaaahhh… two whole days of this? How was I going to survive?

"Next please." The receptionist said.

"Me and my friend…" Emmett overemphasized on the word 'friend'. Great, now that guy for sure thought I was a hooker of some sort. "…would like the most expensive suite available."

"I can offer you the pent house suite for 5,600$ a night. Of course anonymity is top priority at this establishment.."

"Emmett!" I protested.

"What?" He asked as I pulled him aside.

"That guy thinks I am your escort or something super weird, can you please act like a normal human being for once." I pleaded, only loud enough for him to hear.

"What am I supposed to do?" He asked as if he had done nothing wrong.

"Behave in a way that people don't think I'm your mistress." I suggested.

We went back to the reception and my hopes were high but just about to be smashed and torn into a thousand little pieces.

"My sister just asked me to clarify that she is not my personal escort of some sort…Just in case I gave you a false impression."

The receptionist's eyes widened. I rolled my eyes and hit myself with my hand on the forehead in disbelief.

"Oh, no Sir." The young guy apologized blushingly. "I am so sorry. I wasn't thinking that your sister…" he stuttered, still utterly embarrassed.

"You're terrible Emmett, you know that?" I asked.

"I am an angel." Emmett smiled self-satisfactorily at me and repeated the sentence over and over again.

"Sir, … " the receptionist asked, probably still afraid that he'd get sacked.

"Oh, yes. My credit card." Edward pulled out his black diamond Visa and handed it to the receptionist.

In the elevator I shot annoyed glances at a bunch of teenage girls who were gawking at Emmett's abs that were shining through the T-shirt.

One girl came up to Emmett and poked a finger into him. Her jaw dropped. "May I take a picture of your body, Sir?" She asked shyly.

As Emmett paid attention to her she blushed all over the face.

"Of course, Hon." He said.

The girl handed her friends her i-phone and Emmett posed in the first picture kissing her cheek and in the second one holding up his shirt, so the girls could commemorate his abs on their phones.

I hit my head against the elevator wall repeatedly. As the girls got out one of them said to me, "You are so damn lucky."

I couldn't help but start laughing together with Emmett as the elevator doors closed again. I literally had a stomach ache from laughing.

"You are terrible!" I said.

"Why?" Emmett asked innocently.

"Those girls are just about to hit puberty you're now totally sexing them up with pictures of your abs." I said, still trying to withhold my laughter.

"Please enlighten me. What is sexing up?" Emmett asked curiously as we got out of the elevator.

"You know…" I said, gesturing wildly in the air with my hands.

"No. I don't." Emmett said smiling at me.

"They are supposed to play with Barbies and Kens and not dream about losing their virginity to you." I made my final point.

"I beg your pardon." Emmett acted shocked.

My jaw dropped as I entered the suite. "Oh my freakin' god!"

"Nice isn't it?" he asked. "It looks smaller, compared to the last time I was here with Rose."

"Oh Jesus!" My face turned sour.

"What's up?" He asked.

"If you were here with Rosalie, that means that every square inch in this suite is a square inch were you and her…" I couldn't complete the sentence.

"…had sex. That's the term. You can look it up in the dictionary." Emmett acted smart-cookie-ish.

"Thank you, Emmett. Believe it or not, I paid attention in sex ed."

"Sorry." He apologized with a puppy dog look on his face. "Judging by the fact that Edward isn't getting any, I wasn't sure if…" His voice trailed off.

"Seriously?" I looked at him incredulously.

"Oh lighten up, Bella. Until now you've been nothing but uptight. Even Esme is more fun to be with." He said earnestly.

"I'll show you how loose I can be!" I said and looked for the mini-bar which I found after a three minute search.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Having fun." I said decisively.

I took a bottle of Tequila out of the fridge and poured myself some shot. Emmett handed me an orange slice and I drank the shot and ate the orange. I grimaced at the exotic taste of that stuff.

"Another one?" Emmett asked.

"Hell yes!"

And Emmett poured me another shot.

* * *

Happy New Year! This is my gift to you. Now, enrich my life by pressing that green button right below! :-) See it? Yes.. Exactly. That green button.


	6. Eeeeward I wannn you

**Bella's POV**

"I actually planned on doing the activities one by one, but if you want to start with activity Number 4, then so be it." he mumbled.

"Emmett?" I asked. "Why are there pink elephants on the wall?"

For some reason, he suddenly left the room and I decided to call Edward. "Eeeeward?" I yelled.

"Who is this?" He asked confused.

"'ts me…Bella." I said, trying to keep my head straight.

"Honey what happened? Are you okay?" He was worried. Oh God. For once in our relationship I just wanted to be honest with him, at least I thought honesty was important, so I spoke from my heart.

"I wannn you Eward. Evrtime I seeee you, I just can' help meself."

**Edward's POV**

"Bella, love, what are you talking about?" I asked.

"Eward, I wanta fuck you. I want me and you, no sorry, I want you and me and a pink rabbit named Cropps, to go into a dreamland." She lulled.

She was drunk! No, worse, my girlfriend was wasted!

"Bella, how much did you drink?" I enquired, attempting to assess her alcohol poisoning.

"No' much… There's still a lil tiny eenzy winzy bit of Tequila left in the bottle. I am so sorry Ward Ed, I shou hav lefff some for you. You don' like Tequila anywaaay don' you?" She asked.

"No." I sighed. "I don't like Tequila. Bella, where are you?" I asked, concerned for her safety.

"In a hotel suite. The receptionist thought that I was Emmie's stripper, but we got that all fixed. Now he only things…. I don' know what people thingggg…" This was a disaster!

Carlisle, who had just finished a deer, looked at me concerned, having realized that the drunk person on the phone was Bella. "Is she okay?" He asked at vampire speed.

"I'll kill Emmett for this. She's totally wasted." I mouthed back. "Love, " I talked into the phone. "Where is Em-mett?" I spoke slowly and very clear, hoping that I'd get an answer.

"I'm in love with you Ward Ed. Did I ever tell you that I want to fuck you?" She asked innocently.

I faked a cough, hiding my embarrassment. "I am sure you have Love. Bella, where is Emmett?"

"Oooooh …. Emmy Bear. There he is." Bella squeeled and handed the phone to Emmett.

"What in the holy Lord's name have you done to her Emmett McCarthy Cullen?" I yelled upset.

"I swear Edward, I just left the room for like two seconds, I come back and she's totally wasted."

"Don't toy with me. Bella has never had more than glass of wine for dinner maybe, do you intend on killing her?" I asked.

"I'm really really sorry, Eddie. I know it was sooo wrong to leave the mini bar open, they always told us in class that to keep the key to the liquor cabinet hidden, so the kids wouldn't steal the rum."

From the background I heard Bella yelling, "Emmmmmettt! Did you order those strippers?"

Emmett was doomed!


End file.
